Maybe Its best to Say
by Behind-my-shades
Summary: Penelope has a huge problem. The man she's always wanted is the one she can't have she may or may have said she got engaged to tick him off...  WARNING: Kevin Bashing /scenes taken form I Love you Tommy Brown
1. Goodbye

_I can't keep living this lie_

_I'm tired and sick _

_I... don't want to fight_

_maybe its best to say goodbye..._

Penelope stood in the middle of the BAU hallway. Her mouth hung open and eyes watering. She'd told Kevin she wasn't ready... She finally got over one of the biggest things in her life hoping for some sympathy some understanding but Kevin just walked away leaving her behind. Her heart and her head said to different things. It wasn't that she wasn't ready as shocking as it seemed. That wasn't the case. She was almost at the end of her prime whether she wanted to admit it but Kevin wasn't who she wanted to finish her days off with.

He wasn't the one she wanted to grow old with have children with or even share a small space with. Yes he'd occupied part of her life for 3 + years he's been absolutely gentlemanly and uber sweet but for some odd reason only her heart could explain she didn't want that from him. She didn't want any of it. Her heart was screaming yes but her mind was doing a complete 360. some how it knew some how it predicted that Kevin was probably the closest she was ever going to get to happiness. Why? Because the 1 thing she wanted... the one person she wanted to share the life, kids and space with.. was the one person who she could never have.

She didn't know how long she was standing their but the sudden rush of people brought her out of her thoughts. She looked around a bit. Some what confused before making her mind up. She was tired of this game... Tired of pretending she wanted some one she didn't. Tired of not having what she wanted Dammit and she was tired of holding back. She turned rather quickly making her way to Derek's office instead of leaving like she intended. She was outside his door her heart beating in her throat all her bravado shot. Maybe it was the 10 second walk over that gave her time to think. Made her realize how crazy and irrational this was. NO. No.. She was going to do this. She had to do this. She rose her fist to bang on the brightly painted door that read SSA DEREK MORGAN.

She was frozen. She couldn't knock. Just because her life was out of balance did it actually call for her to ruin her best friends? To ruin what they had for her own selfish reasons? She shook her head to her self. The large dangling earrings making a jingle sound as she did so. She lowered her fist. She couldn't do it. She lowered her hand to her side taking one last look at the door before it opened.

"Penelope?" Derek had a somewhat confused look on his face. "Is everything ok I thought you were going to talk to Kevin and then go home." He stepped out his office with jacket in hand. Penelope thought for a minute...

"I umm..." Penelope avoided her eyes to him. Derek stepped a bit closer squinting as he did so. "Have you been crying? Penelope you need to tell me whats going on." Penelope looked around for an exit something anything that could save her from this confrontation. Derek watched her closely. "Oh no.. no your not leaving not until you tell me what has you standing out side my office or rather creeping outside my office and these tear tracks running down your face." Penelope fidgeted she felt like she was going to explode with pressure. She could feel herself heating up under his stare. This was wrong she shouldn't have come at all just went home watched some soppy TV show and ate ice cream like she usually did.

"Derek...I ..you see..." Penelope looked down the hallway noticing a tall caramel skinned woman waling their way. She had on a tight black fitting dress and white pumps. Her hair was pulled up classy like and her purse hung like a suitcase off her arm. Derek looked over at what Penelope was looking at. The woman raised her hand to wave at Derek a smile gracing her face. "Derek!" The woman squealed as she click clacked her way toward him. Penelope's eyes narrowed. He fist clenched at her side. She didn't know... she wasn't informed and here she was about to pour her fracking frack frickin heart out to him about how much she loved him and.. He had someone else. Derek smiled and waved before he looked back at Penelope. She had the confidence she needed now and whether it was anger or inner strength she didn't care.

"what were you saying?" Derek looked back at her with true sincerity in his eyes. Sincerity or guilt she over rationalized. Penelope took a step back away from him taking a moment before she spoke.

" I wanted to come tell you I'm engaged!" She jumped up and down with a fake smile and giggle. She threw her arms around Derek's neck. "These were happy tears! I just can't believe it and to think I was waiting on you to..." she stopped mid sentence and Derek eyebrows went up before the woman made their way over and hugged him ultimately dooming and saving her. " Well Derek I see you busy so I'm just going to go...you know rings and celebrating to do!" Derek just shook his head dumbly "Umm Congratulations P..." Derek had a small tremor of remorse in his speech. That just made Penelope all the happier before smiling at him... "Well Goodbye.."


	2. What else

_A/N: I know these chapter are a little short but I promise once its gets in full swing they'll be longer..._

_Maybe its best to open eyes _

_and ask why_

_Maybe its its best to say what else?_

Penelope sank down to the floor of her apartment as soon as she got home. Tears wtill pouring from her eyes. She was surprised she'd made it in one piece her tears blurring her vision the whole way. She felt like her heart had been ripped from her chest and stuck under the spiky heel of who ever the bitch was who stole Morgan from her. She stopped what she was thinking. It wasn't that woman's fault she had no idea how much she loved Morgan and the funny part was neither did Morgan. She looked around her empty apartment. She felt like she deserved to be here. To sit on the ground for all eternity and when someone finally did come for her she'd be only bones in a stylish outfit. How could things have gone so wrong. She was their to tell him she loved him and now she'd engaged to Kevin? .. Kevin what if Kevin found out about her lying to Morgan. He'd never forgive her and never let her live it down. He already expressed his opinion on them getting together anyway.

"Penelope you've been watching way to many movies this is reality and in reality guys like him don't go for girls like you. Guys like me don't go for girls like Kim Kardashian that's just the way things are."

she scrambled over to the small table beside her couch still on her knees she had to call Kevin and warn him.. Maybe apologize. She pushed the well worn buttons on her bedazzled phone and waited in anticipation

"This is Tech analyst Kevin Lynch..." Penelope took a breath "Kevin I.." "I'm taking vacation right now in Ohio due to an unforeseen situation however if you have something important leave a message." Penelope sighed. He was gone due to her rejection their was no way to contact him in Ohio. As much as he loved technology his family disapproved everything up their was totally little house on the prairie except for the emergency phone. Great. She huffed back down beside her couch.

Why had she said what she said? Why did her mouth always get her in some kind of trouble? Her brain clicked 'you said it to make him jealous and mad which was pointless by the way.. how did you know that it even effected him ?' Penelope rationalized with her self. ' because I know when Derek gets mad his jaw does the tick thing and his eyes get that shine to them. Not the happy shine like when he come in in the morning the primal shine the one he gets when some one out benches him in the FBI weight room.' Penelope paused for a minute. Derek was mad. You can't be mad about something like an engagement unless your against it. And you can't be against it unless... her eyes widened. That meant that even in the smallest corners of his heart he felt something for her that made him against the engagement. She almost squealed with excitement. Almost. There was still that woman she saw today. If Derek liked her why would he date someone else?

The phone rang and snapped her out of her thoughts. She looked at the caller I.D. 'Hot stuff' she stared at it letting it ring out. What could he possibly want it was only 8:00 he still should be out on his debauchery spree. She sat their letting the machine pick it up .

"Penelope... Penelope I know your there... we need to talk …. Penelope... Baby girl... I know you can hear me.. answer the phone or I'm coming over..." Penelope thought for a minute he wouldn't actually come over would he? His voice rang out through the machine.. " yes I would actually come over..." Dammit. She grabbed the phone and pressed talk. "Listen Derek I..." He abruptly cut her off. " I Know you not engaged. And I don't appreciate you lying to me about something so important." He face blanched. "What I want to talk about we can't talk about on the phone. So I'm only going to say this once.." His voice left goosebumps on her skin. She'd never heard this particular tone.

It was rough and laced with anger that was brimming about to spill over. "Come over to my house at 9:30... don't chicken out and no excuses." he hung up. Penelope was frozen, He'd only known 2 hours and he already knew it was a lie. How? She looked at her clock it was 8:15. she pulled her self from the floor looking at the torn hole sin her stocking and grimacing. Great she was fresh off an engagement, her best friend confusing and scaring the hell out of her and now her stockings had a hole in them and they were brand new. What else could happen today?


End file.
